


i; all animals are equal

by alifetime



Series: catnaps [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Good Sibling Allison Hargreeves, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Abuse, Protective Allison Hargreeves, Protective Siblings, References to Depression, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Vanya Hargreeves-centric, brief references to eating disorder thoughts, george orwell references because why not, they all deserve better lets be honest, touch-starved vanya, why is that not a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:41:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26722348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alifetime/pseuds/alifetime
Summary: They were like animals living under the same farmer. The cuter ones would be treated accordingly and punished accordingly; the ones deemed most useful were numbered like cattle readied for slaughter. Normally the least useless would be killed first, and yet the little lamb, Vanya, was kept around.As George Orwell once said, "all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others."or; Vanya tries whatever to block out the neglectful touches and the disappointed stares, yet they always continue to haunt her, even after the defeated apocalypse. Enter her protective siblings comforting her.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves & Everyone, Vanya Hargreeves & The Hargreeves
Series: catnaps [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944823
Comments: 3
Kudos: 172





	i; all animals are equal

**Author's Note:**

> binge-watching tua had led to many disruptions of sleep and had ended the pain of my fanfic searching. so now i'm joining in with writing said fanfics. 
> 
> this series is going to have multiple one-shots ( some may be two/three-shots etc...) which will be mainly focused on vanya, klaus and five because ^^^^^ none of them will have to be read in order for them to be understood which makes life easier. this series is purely for analysis on character's and to help better understand mental illnesses and making it as fluffy as possible because i'm sick of the glamourisation / romanticisation in mental illnesses within the media. sooo i hope you enjoy :)
> 
> ( this also may or may not be my friend and i projecting ourselves onto these characters as well so what fun )
> 
> warning(s): implied/references to depression, (borderline personality disorder), past-child abuse, eating disorders [ not otherwise specified ], anxiety
> 
> -if any of these make you uncomfortable then please click off.
> 
> -stay safe :)

It had only been minutes later after the almost-to-be-apocalypse. None of them had any time to properly digest the things they had seen, and it had been strange to see Pogo again, asking where they had been. Neither of them could give a probable explanation—neither could Five whilst looking half-dead on his feet. The chimpanzee figured pushing the questions was just as useful as convincing his once master to say goodnight to his children. 

To say the least, all of them felt more than a little awkward. After the intense euphoria upon discovering it was April 2019, the day after the supposed apocalypse, it wore off and the six of them were left, unsure of what was to come next. The sole reason they had met up in the first place was because of their shared father’s death, and they remained together simply by the virtue of the world’s end. What were they to do now?

Vanya watched as Allison left, saying something about speaking with her daughter—it had been over three years since she had last spoken and seen her. Luther’s eyes trailed her like a lost puppy before announcing his departure to his old room. Diego, upon realising the lack of their group left, followed behind Luther, muttering something about needing a haircut. That left Klaus, Five and Vanya. And Vanya had never felt so awkward around her siblings as she did at this moment. 

“So…” Klaus whistled, hands stuffed in his—questionably fashioned—trousers. “Imma head out.”

Vanya swallowed, suddenly feeling anxious. Was it her who was making them all feel cumbersome? 

Five didn’t say anything as he blinked away after and soon, it was just Vanya standing in the middle of the vast hallway. She should also venture to her room. No doubt take a shower, much like most of them were heading to do. She looked back down at the newspaper, fingers shaking, looking at the date. 2019. Not only moments ago was she in the 1960s. How was it her younger—oldest?—brother could transport them so far back and so far forward at the same time. She barely had any time to recollect her powers from before and in the 60s. 

Her memory was still a little out of sorts, so perhaps she should try and work on that?

The soles of her feet were careful stepping through the hallway. It was as if every sound her steps made echoed louder than they should have. Having resided in a small, one-floor house with an open barn area allowed the silence to consume her in the warmth rather than the cold. There was something so damp about this extensive house. Even as her memories resurface, she had never felt so desolate in her entire life. Without the gentle touches of either her father or her siblings, she believes she received more mellow touches in that month at the barn than she ever had in her life. That wasn’t to say she was the only one; none of them remained much skin-to-skin contact from anyone as children. 

Within these walls, it was almost like living in a confined barn, much like the chicks she tended to prior Sissy request. She would let them out every morning, collect the good eggs and chuck the bad eggs. After, she cleaned what she could and once again locked the chickens back in the pen. They seemed to be useful for one thing, and that was providing humans with food. Carl would wring a chicken’s neck once a week for their tea and allow a rooster and chicken to produce newly spring chicks. 

The cycle was uncanny. That must be what humans go through, but since they belong on top of the food chain, they remain unhunted by animals. And rather, humans among them tend to be the biggest killers in the world in the hunt for other humans. The thought of it feigned a pool of guilt in her chest—Five had told her she was the reason for not only one, but two apocalypses. Were her powers that destructive that her siblings had to face doomsday more than once? She seemed to be their sole responsibility, and knowing they left her alone in this house, didn’t they have any fear of her blowing the world up again?

By the time she reached the second floor, she was panting, and not because she was unfit to the excessive amount of stairs. The familiar burn of paralysis stemmed her step. There was no sound—neither were the winds outside providing her with any knowledge that the world itself was still spinning. Almost as if the pills her father had provided her were flooding her veins to terminate the mass dismantling of her potential. 

Then, after that brief thought, the threat of wind fished past her. The old grandfather clock reached her ears and she forced herself to remain calm. There was no need to start a cluster fire. 

The travels to her room were like muscle memory; she always had the smallest room in the house. She remembers, distinctively, that Luther’s was the biggest, and the others had similar sized rooms to each other. Spacious and free to place any belongings among their personalities. She remembers Allison’s room was a mixture of elegance and celebrities. Klaus had a habit of never tidying his room and therefore there was a spray of flamboyant paints and apprehensive findings in his room. There wasn’t much she remembered of the others. Vaguely, she caught a glimpse of the neatness in Ben’s room and the order of Five’s room. Diego never let anyone in his room and she had no mind to ever look past Luther’s. 

Hesitantly, Vanya peaked inside of her room. The layout was the same as she had left it all those years ago. No dust littered the top of her old drawers and the bed looked ironed yet not recently slept it. Grace must have always been running overdrive to keep each of her children’s rooms the same instead of mindfully neglecting them. 

A small smile curled on Vanya’s lips but disappeared again. She almost forgot about Grace. She must be around here somewhere. Distinctively, she remembers her droid mother dying from the hands of Hazel and Cha-Cha. And yet she had been repaired and seemed more human than droid after. And since this is the day after the supposed apocalypse, she must still function as a human, right?

A tightness once again filled her chest when she stepped into her room. She never dwelled on why her room was so small compared to the others, but she knew why; her insignificance to her father’s tastes led him to place her, Vanya, in the most compacted area in the house. This was more like a storage cupboard than a child’s room. And after all that time, he knew she had powers, et chose not to, what? —manage them? Had he been scared of her? A little girl, defenceless, and grazing her fingertips for just a touch of approval from the one parental figure in her life she should have looked up to? Despite the kindness Grace poised, she was not human, and no android skin was enough to settle her trapping insecurities. 

Fearing for nothing, she didn’t shut the door behind her. Before she entered, all of her siblings’ room doors had been shut, and if she listened carefully, she could hear Klaus humming to himself, Allison talking on the phone and the shower in one of the bathrooms turned on. It wasn’t as empty as the downstairs was, and she felt a little less isolated. Yet the begrudging building in her chest refused to settle; why won’t it settle? They were safe, home and her memories were gradually reappearing. 

A longing in her chest grazed at the edge—it was Sissy and Harlan she missed. Had she tried hard enough, perhaps they could be here with her? Sitting alongside her as she introduced Sissy to new technologies and opportunities for not only her but for Harlan as well. She could have told Sissy that Harlan’s behavioural issues had a positive diagnosis in 2019 and that he would get the professional help he needed. If Vanya had been more selfish … what was done is done. 

The bed before he was invited to not only sit but to sleep as well. Exhaustion ran deep within her bones and she found herself falling back, ignoring the discomfort of grime and sweat sticking to her neck and back. When she liberated the energy she had left in her, she would take a shower. But right now? She wanted to sleep for a very long time. However, when she tried closing her eyes, sleep never came. 

Time passing between the shower turning off, a scuttle of feet and then the shower turning on again within ten minutes had her restlessly opening her eyes again, staring at the barren ceiling. 

The house was too damn quiet. There was no flowing music that she had in her apartment to accompany her, nor the gleeful chatter of the children she taught violin to. Her anxiety before had been condemned by the placebo’s she swallowed. Now, it was bubbling again, and she couldn’t understand why. 

“Vanya?”

She jumped, sitting up in bed. Klaus was leaning against the door, long hair finally _—finally—_ pulled back in a low ponytail, a little damp. She still couldn’t help but stare at the ridiculous goatee and so wished she had the strength to playfully tell him to cut it off. But the clothes he had worn were gone, replaced by a dressing gown. He must have been the one to step out the shower. 

“Allison and I were thinking of making dinner together. You know? Save Mom from dossing about…” He trailed off awkwardly with a slight cough. Was Klaus entering all of their rooms and telling them this? If so, he must have not reached Five’s room yet if he still had his hands attached to his wrists. “Settle down and… yeah, I’m bad at this—what’s on your mind?”

Vanya huffed, letting her eyes trail away from him and towards her window. A small draft was being let in—Grace must air their rooms every once in a while. “You mean besides going from one timeline to another? I’m doing pretty good.”

This caused Klaus to tut and she almost let out a hum of a surprise when Klaus unashamedly plopped himself on the bed beside her, water dripping from him and soaking her bed. “We may not have spoken properly in years, but before we were dropped in the 60s, I got to know you guys all over again. So, therefore, I conclude, that you are less than the definition of ‘pretty good’.” He dared to place quotation marks over pretty good. 

“Yeah?” said Vanya. “Well, my memories are still faint, and as far as I’m aware, your memories would have been just as distinct as mine.” It was by no means a malicious jab—Klaus, bless him, laughed—but her brother had been seesawing between high and sober. Memories of those times would have been consistently torn and put back together. Perhaps like her, he was trying to piece everything back together. 

“Huh, I see your bluntness hasn’t gone away. Not that it was ever an issue. It seems as if only you and Five understand that type of straightforwardness.” 

“Eh, I’d say Five’s a little more … uptight.”

Klaus laughed again. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s us against the world, Vanya.”

A comfortable silence drifted between them. The tightness in her chest remained but that numbness she had been dreading was gone, replaced by Klaus’ ostentatious façade. 

“Are… um…” Vanya stopped herself, cheeks a little warm—it had always been difficult to talk to people like this. “Are you okay, Klaus?”

Klaus shrugged eyes drifting into nothing. “There are always worse things to happen. We’re all here and miraculously alive. Don’t know how the hell we managed that. And now … shit, I don’t know what happens from here.”

This was what `Vanya had been foreboding; where were any of them supposed to go from here? Will she go back to teaching kids the violin? Will Klaus disappear to God-knows-where? Will Allison pursue her career still? And will Diego still refuse to pay rent and play your friendly neighbourhood police officer with a skilful touch to some knives? If so, what will happen to Luther who had been on the moon this entire time? Or Five, who was internally struggling in a prepubescent thirteen-year-old body again? Surely they won’t allow him to continue his assassinations—it would be no surprise with the threat of the Commission still behind them.

She hadn’t realised she had let out a shaky breath—akin to holding in a cry—when Klaus’ hand came to rest on her shoulder. 

“Hey, we’ll just carry on. If we get mixed up into some shit again, we’ll deal with it.”

“How can I?” said Vanya, placing her hand in her hands. Her fingers were cold and she winced when they lay against the cold of her forehead. “I-I have these powers and I just – I have no clue as to how to control them. What if when I’m teaching and something goes wrong?”

“Nothing wrong with killing off a couple of snotty-nosed brats—”

“Why are we talking about Five in such a way?”

Vanya fixes a glare on Klaus and then Diego who had just entered the room. 

“Nice of you to join us,” Klaus said cheerfully. 

“Yeah, yeah—Allison said something about having dinner together. Not sure about you guys but…”

Klaus pouted. It looked strange with the long hair and goatee. “You’re not joining us.”

Diego winced. “It’s not that. I’m just not hungry.”

“Even after the loss of adrenaline mid-battle a good hour ago?” 

The other shrugged and that anxiety was back. Vanya was feeling hungry, so why wasn’t Diego?

Klaus huffed, leaning most of his weight on Vanya’s form. “Come on, man, just lay-low with us for a little while. It wouldn’t hurt to spend some time with us.”

“Aaand last time that happened, we nearly blew up the entire world—twice, might I add.” 

He didn’t mean what he had said, but it hadn’t helped the impending guilt Vanya dwelled upon. She sniffed, willing the tears to go no further than her lashes. At the noise, Diego had glanced at her guiltily, but if it were anyone to disagree with each other, it would be them two. 

Without another word, Diego walked away. Klaus was again left with a certain amount of tension in the air. His hand slipped from Vanya’s shoulder and she almost asked him to keep leaning his weight on her form. Yet she didn’t and he stood up, stretching his arms above his head in an attempt to clear the air. 

“He’ll eat with us,” he stated as if reassuring Vanya. “Allison will kick off, otherwise.”

“Alright. Well, I’ll see you at dinner.”

Klaus hummed in response. “There’s the spirit,” he muttered, wandering from her room. 

Silence. There was always silence. When their father had been living among the walls as a physical presence, there was never silence. One of her siblings would be up to no good (most likely Klaus, and sometimes Five), one of them would be in training, and then there were group training sessions or group school lessons. No one was ever quiet. They were like bleating little lambs, and now they had grown from their skin and into matured, muzzled sheep. 

She heard footsteps walk towards her door and she let herself smile when she saw her sister. 

“You joining us?”

Vanya needn’t say anything as she lugged herself lazily from the bed. Seeing Allison smile was the best of it. Allison and Five were the only ones of her siblings who seemed unafraid of her powers—unafraid of her. If Allison could live past what Vanya had done to her, why couldn’t everyone else?

They made it to the kitchen where Vanya was pleasantly surprised to find Diego and Luther sat down. But no Five. 

“I want to give you a fair warning—Klaus is terrible at cooking.”

“I never claimed to be good!” he—unnecessarily—yelled, cursing quietly when the plates he held were too hot. He placed them down with no grace, “Bon appétit,” and scuttled through the kitchen, searching for any cups to use for drinks. 

“Wh-where’s Five?” Vanya asked as she settled herself in a seat beside Allison. 

Diego, unfazed by his brother’s absence shrugged, shovelling food into his mouth, a perfect replica to Luther. Vanya saw Klaus smirk—triumph from telling Diego he would be hungry after everything they had been thorough.

“Little guy’s asleep,” said Klaus, finally sitting down beside Diego. 

“I’m not,” a voice said with slight tedium. Five walked in, eyeing the food Klaus had made with slight discussion. Instead of engaging with the food choices, Vanya watched as he started billing the kettle, ready to make himself a coffee.

“Five,” Allison said sternly, “Come eat something.”

“Pfft, I’m not eating that.”

_“Hey—!”_

“It’s not that bad,” supplied Luther. 

“Little rat,” muttered Klaus, happy to continue his masterpiece. 

Allison sighed. “Stop arguing—Five, you need something more substantial than coffee.”

Five shrugged, then searching through the fridge and pulled out a loaf of bread—Vanya knew where this was going. 

“A marshmallow sandwich is not an option,” said Allison.

“Well, it is for me.”

Diego grunted in disgust. “Never knew why you liked those things.”

“Can we leave my food choices alone? Vanya understands.”

She didn’t—it looked gross, but that never stopped her from making them for him when he disappeared and then eating them in the morning—if only, for a moment, she could pretend that he had eaten it rather than her. The thought made her feel sick. 

“May I remind you all I’m older than you,” Five continued. 

Vanya felt incredibly uncomfortable—could they possibly go one day without fighting? 

“Do you think we give a shit?” said Diego. Five glared. 

“We were all born on the same day and same year,” said Luther, “and therefore, that makes us all the same age. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve lived longer—a birth certificate doesn’t lie.”

“Even to those kids trafficked across states and countries?”

“Five!” Allison looked horrified.

Vanya still couldn’t eat the food placed in front of her. By this point, it was losing its boiling touch and if this carried on, the temperature would have decreased to a solid tepid temperature. She wouldn’t be able to eat it then—tepidness was more than a little gross. 

“Well, I’m going to my room.”

Weren’t they supposed to be eating dinner as a family? Instead of eating what Klaus had made, perhaps she could pull a Five and make herself a sandwich? It would be easier on the churning in her stomach and ease the hefty weight fogging her chest. 

Tentatively, she took a sip of the water Klaus had given her. 

“We agreed to have dinner together,” said Diego, nearly finished with his food. “If I have to endure this, then so do you.”

Five looked beyond irritated and the disquieted feeling mutated from the dread of what was to come next towards the impending doom—five of her powerful siblings testing the authority in this household, and if she wasn’t strong enough, she would snap. Allowing Reginald’s harsh growths to cage them like this was bringing them up for slaughter, and if it wasn’t the end of the world that was to kill them, it would be each other’s. 

“I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than sit down like we’re anything but an abnormal clusterfuck of a family.”

Vanya saw from the corner of her vision as Allison winced at his language. If Five had been his fifty-eight-year-old self or their age, she wouldn’t have blinked an eye. But mentally or not, this was coming out of a thirteen-year-old’s mouth. 

Luther, Diego and Klaus had stopped eating at this point. They looked a little lost—Luther especially. All of them were immune to Five emotional outbursts. Had been since they were kids—he tended to always do and say what he wanted, and if that landed him a back-hand or two, it never stopped him. 

“Well, all I’m asking for is a thank you,” said Klaus. 

“Fuck you,” said Five. 

She’s had enough of this. Before she could think about it, her chair was screeching against the tiled floors and she was up and out of the room. If Vanya had to spend another minute in there, she would either silence the argument or consider picking herself up and escaping to her apartment. What part of settling down before the next big thing did they not understand. Not even half an hour ago had they been so happy—so relieved when they returned to a full and working Earth. And now they were down each other’s throats as if the last week to them meant nothing.

Is this how caged animals felt after a while? Did they eventually get so sick and tired of each other’s lead to dominance that they began tearing the vocal cords of another’s throats out? It certainly felt like that, and when Vanya collapsed onto her bed again, tears clinging to her lashes, she couldn’t help but feel as if the weakest link had something to do with her. 

They were like animals living under the same farmer. The cuter ones would be treated accordingly and punished accordingly; the ones deemed most useful were numbered like cattle readied for slaughter. Normally the least useless would be killed first, and yet the little lamb, Vanya, was kept around. And like the runt of the litter, her siblings had looked down upon her. There were times when she even felt inferior to Ben, who had been the kindest to her. And despite the marshmallow sandwiches, she would leave out for Five, there was a tiny part of her that wondered whether the boy would care or not. After all, before her release for her powers, she had been nothing—a flea living atop of an animal’s plush fur. And after that, with one single bite, she almost managed to infect them all with the impending doom of their world. 

Yet despite the other’s powers, all of them were treated per Reginald’s requests. All equal under his cruel words and dismayed stares. Although Vanya and Allison had never felt the wrath of his hand, he punished both with patronising words and manipulative lies. 

Had Reginald intentionally raised them for slaughter, or had he meant for them to slaughter? 

It would never explain why he had been discouraged by Vanya’s abilities. 

She hadn’t realised she had let out a small cry when the gentle knock of Allison’s knuckles wrapped her door. 

“Go away!”

It had meant to sound firm, perhaps a little angry to scare her sister a little. But Allison was relentless and, besides Ben, had always known how to cheer her up. 

“You know we’re not gonna do that, Vanya.”

_‘We’re’?_

“Allison—”

“Okay, what Five said was true,” came Klaus’ muffled voice. “We are a clusterfuck of a family. But you could say that makes us more interesting than most—ow! _Please_ stop!”

Vanya sniffed and turned over, not in the mood to deal with any of their attempts at cheering her up. Was it too much to ask to be left alone in peace?

“Please…” she almost whispered, sure none of them had heard it. But Allison must have had her ear by the door. 

“Do you want … any tea? Hot cocoa?”

She considered it but said no. She wasn’t hungry nor thirsty anymore. The pool continued to expand and soon, she would drown in the exceeding guilt she caused in the first place. 

“This is my problem,” she found herself bravely inputting, “not yours. So leave me be.”

The silence was back and her best bet was that they had left. Some selfish part of her wanted them to return. Another part told her it was best if they stayed away. And just as she was beginning to tuck herself into a tightly compacted ball, the door to her room burst open. She was startled into sitting up and angrily wiping the tears away from her eyes when her face softened. 

Allison was carrying her mug of hot chocolate, Klaus, whilst saying, “Move, ‘scuse, I call shotgun!” came in with an unbearing amount of pillows and blankets. Diego shuffled in begrudgingly but still let himself set up camp on the floor as Luther’s large frame fitted himself beside him. The last of them—which Vanya had not expected to find trailing behind them with plates full of diverse sandwich choices—shut the door behind him, grumpily giving the plates to each of his siblings and settling his small body at the end of Vanya’s bed. 

Five crossed his legs, the uniform never seizing to leave his comfort even after showering, and pushed a marshmallow sandwich towards Vanya. And, well, she didn’t have the heart to tell him she disliked them. 

She couldn’t help but crack a tiny smile. “I told you to leave me alone.”

“Well, we’ll come back later—” Five began to shuffle off the bed but was abruptly stopped by Klaus effectively kicking him in the shins. 

Allison sat against the headboard beside her and Klaus mirrored her action on the other side of her. “We know, but we’re all rather put-out at the minute. Why not wallow in pity together?”

Five sighed irritably but Vanya caught a glimpse of his posture deflating—if just a little, and it was enough to make her smile again. 

“If we’re planning on sleeping in this tiny-ass room, can Luther be exempt from the room?” said Diego. 

“I’m obligated to take mild offence to that,” mumbled Luther. 

“You guys can stay here, but I’m staying to eat my sandwich that both Vanya and I can enjoy together.” Five picked his said sandwich up, almost admiring the odd combinations. “You can go back to your generic-ass sandwiches.”

Vanya mirrored her brother’s action and the rest followed suit. 

“Yeah,” said Diego around a mouthful of food, “this is much better than Klaus’ cockup of dinner.”

“Once again, I never claimed to be a cook.”

Vanya kept her composure when the sandwich entered her mouth. She found Five’s rocking of excitement encouraged her more. He didn’t show it in his facial expressions, but he was oddly happy that she ‘enjoyed’ something he liked. 

Distantly, she remembers something so similar happening like this once. However, it had been in Ben’s room rather than her own. Five hadn’t been there, weeks before he had disappeared into thin air; it had been the day he had died. Although Diego had upset her, Allion, Luther and Klaus all banded together to make some sort of font with snacks in their brother’s room and sit in content silence all night. Allison had invited her in, and Diego had stiffly apologised to her in a weak stutter. Just the five of them left, missing the two brother’s they believed would never get back.

Even with Ben still a hasty presence among them, despite him finally passing over into the light, there was an air of serene reality. Five was back, though physically stunted, and all of them were eating sandwiches in Vanya’s room as if it were another normal lunchtime. 

Reginald had seen them as equal individuals to raise as slaughter; Vanya knew that now. There was no disapproval when they had killed the bad guys in the past, and Vanya can imagine the man fixating an aura of pride six-feet-under now. Yet there had been a flaw in his plan to raise his kids as equals—he seemed to have forgotten that some animals were more equal than others. And it just so happened that all of their powers combined were no match to what Vanya’s were, that was for sure. And maybe that was what scared him.


End file.
